It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and loved-up couples worldwide will indulge in suitably romantic activities like cozy getaways, expensive candlelit meals, and exchanging meaningful and sentimental gifts.
However, if that’s not for you, you might want to shun the romance and do something that opposes the loved-up mood of the day. These five anti-Valentine’s Day horror movies are ideal for those who aren’t hopeless romantics and won’t be cuddling up to a significant other this year.
It Follows (2014)
It Follows is a bona fide horror masterpiece and undoubtedly a modern genre classic. The movie focuses on a young woman who, after a s*xual encounter, is relentlessly followed by a murderous supernatural entity that only she can see, which takes different forms and tries to kill her, and turns out to be passed from victim to victim through s*xual contact.
It’s such a clever concept, and it’s executed immaculately. Directed to perfection by David Robert Mitchell, with some incredible cinematography and excellent performances from the likes of Maika Monroe, Keir Gilchrist, and Olivia Luccardi, It Follows is one of the most stylish horror films ever – and it’ll undoubtedly put anyone watching off physical intimacy this Valentine’s Day.
Streaming on Netflix and Amazon Prime.
Get Out (2017)
Jordan Peele has directed three movies to date – all horrors – and they’ve all been critical and commercial hits. The psychological horror Get Out is the best and perfect for anti-Valentine’s Day viewing. It’s about a young Black man who visits the family of his White girlfriend and finds they transplant white people’s brains into young Black men’s bodies to gain their implied superior physical attributes and a form of immortality.
It’s rare for a horror film to get a Best Picture Academy Award nomination, but Get Out received one and three others (including Best Director for the brilliant Peele), exemplifying how great it is. Its terrific cast performs incredibly, including Daniel Kaluuya (who got a Best Actor nomination), Allison Williams, Stephen Root, and Catherine Keener. It’s terrifying, funny, thought-provoking, a genius social critique, and it’ll make you think twice about getting close to someone.
Streaming on Netflix and Amazon Prime.
I Spit on Your Grave (1978)
The controversial r*pe-and-revenge horror movie I Spit on Your Grave follows a Manhattan-based female writer of fiction, Jennifer Hills, to a rented isolated cottage in Kent, Connecticut. There, she is brutally beaten and intimately assaulted by a group of local men – one of whom claims to kill her to his friends, even though he couldn’t go through with it. That proves a mistake, as she gains violent, fatal retribution on them.
It’s hardly a proponent of physical intimacy and is about as anti-romance as movies can get. It was initially seen as a “vile bag of garbage” by detracting critics but has since been more positively viewed as a reaction to male violence against women and a film about feminist empowerment. One thing’s sure: it has enough barbarity and blood to satisfy horror fans and is ideal for anyone wanting to avoid the sentimentality of Valentine’s Day. Note that the 2010 remake is indeed garbage.
Streaming on Amazon Prime.
Teeth (2007)
The comedy horror movie Teeth has a rather unique concept. It chronicles the exploits of a high school student who discovers she has a bizarre physical advantage after becoming the victim of male violence – her genitalia has teeth! It’s based on a folk tale about a condition called va**ina dentata, which comes with the associated implication that s*xual encounters will result in the male participant being injured, emasculated, or castrated.
Considering its concept is ludicrous, Teeth is a surprisingly brilliant film. It’s intelligent, unique, highly amusing, and brilliantly acted by its lead, Jess Weixler. Nothing could make a viewer want physical intimacy less than seeing a man have his manhood bitten off by a female’s private parts. It is, therefore, ideal anti-Valentine’s Day viewing.
Streaming on Amazon Prime.
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Did you honestly expect anything else? The slasher film My Bloody Valentine takes place in the fictitious Canadian mining town of Valentine Bluffs. There, a group of young adults decide to throw the town’s traditional Valentine’s Day dance, which has been suspended for twenty years, only to fall victim to a vengeful psychopath wearing mining gear who embarks on a brutal murder spree.
Although it was drastically underappreciated when released, My Bloody Valentine has since deservedly garnered a cult following. It’s not a suspenseful, subtle, or overly intelligent horror movie, but it delivers on its title emphatically. It also has an instantly recognizable killer who deserves more recognition as a horror icon. If you want to see people being punished for their Valentine’s activities this year, you should watch this film. However, make sure you avoid the terrible 2009 remake.
Streaming on Amazon Prime.
