Following Zack Snyder’s recent comments made about the existence of his now-mythic cut of Justice League, one lucky audience received the surprise of a lifetime over the weekend at an advance screening of Warner Brothers’ next superhero outing Shazam! when the director himself made an unexpected appearance with unreleased footage from his legendary version of League in tow.
“This is a big day for me, for lost footage everywhere, and for all the shots of Cyborg playing Skee-Ball that were removed for reasons unknown, ” the resplendent Snyder said as he descended from the ceiling, cloaked in a blindingly golden robe as he clutched an oversize novelty cup with images from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1993 blockbuster Last Action Hero adorning the sides. “You represent the first members of the public who will at long last lay witness to the way Justice League was meant to be seen-all the slow-mo, dreariness and bombastic Junkie XL score for which I’m known that somehow found its way onto the cutting room floor.
Here, now, is Justice League: Attack Of The Mixed-Up Space Demon,” a boisterous Snyder uttered, revealing the title Snyder always intended for the film and now could finally be made public after what felt like years of fan speculation.
“That was pretty good,” remarked audience member Shirley Tadsworth, “All the new Flash footage made me realize that he’s a character in a movie about superheroes.”
“Incredible-looking, especially the story arc revolving around a love triangle between Batman, Wonder Woman and Steppenwolf,” said self-proclaimed DC fanboy Darrell Darrellson. “The parts where Junkie XL’s music became loud enough that I couldn’t understand the dialogue at all really drew me into the film as well. ”
Other attendees, however, weren’t as sold. “Not only did they choose to keep Henry Cavill’s mustache as opposed to removing it digitally, but they also gave him a beard, making him look more like a railway-riding hobo than the Man of Steel,” grunted a man named Charlie, who appeared to be running to the bathroom at the moment.
“I will say, despite the shortcomings of what we saw today, this is a solid look at one of Oliver Wilde’s most iconic novels, and I look forward to what director Oliver Parker bestows upon us next, ” said area bibiophile Harold Winkerstein, upon emerging from a screening of 2002’s remake of The Importance of Being Earnest.
Shazam! hits theaters April 5th, while Zack Snyder’s Justice League cut will most likely never see the light of day. Happy April Fools!