Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise’s relationship was one full of ups and downs. Their romance lasted eleven years and ended in a cloud of smoke that left both of them gasping for air. It is safe to say that being together for so long and walking away was difficult for both of them. Cruise managed to find love in Katie Holmes, with the two having an even more complex relationship. However, Kidman’s story was a lot more different.
The actress once revealed that the moment that she decided to move on from the actor and find her true love was interconnected with the night she had one of the biggest achievements of her career. In 2003, Kidman won the Academy Award for Best Actress. This accolade was followed up by a depressing night and an insightful epiphany.
Nicole Kidman Felt Guilty For Celebrating
In Dave Karger‘s book, 50 Oscar Nights, Nicole Kidman talked about the night she won her Oscar for the 2002 film, The Hours. While many have very positive memories attached to such a big achievement in their career, the same cannot be said for the actress. She started by revealing that during this time in her life, her personal life and private life were completely opposing each other. While she had just had one of the biggest feats in any actor’s career, her personal life was in shambles.
“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,”
Kidman then went on to reveal that after she won her award, she was invited to the Vanity Fair after-party. While she was not all too interested in going, she was told that she could go there, flaunt her Oscar, and celebrate. Although the idea would sound tempting to many, the same was not the case for the actress.
“I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn’t feel humble.’ Like, what? You can’t walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They’re like, ‘That’s what you do.’”
She mentioned that she did not like the idea of doing something like that, even thinking it to be cruel. When she said these things, she was told that showing off one’s achievement is exactly what should be done at these parties and is expected of the winners.
Nicole Kidman Had A Revelation
Nicole Kidman ultimately did end up going to the party, however, she mentioned feeling apologetic for her success, and not being able to enjoy herself fully. She was overwhelmed and stressed and not able to actually have fun on such an epic occasion, even saying that if she could go back, she would do things differently.
“So I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking and I didn’t enjoy it,” she recalled. “I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.”
Soon afterward, she left the party for more comfortable revelry; in her hotel room. She ordered food for herself and spent some time with her family, which was followed up by her going to bed. It was here that she was hit with a very sudden and important realization.
“I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed,” Kidman said. “That’s when it hit me. I went, ‘I need to find my love; I need a love in my life.’ Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.’”
The actress decided that she would open herself up to finding the love of her life again. The reason for such an epiphany was that she did not want to face big moments of her career on her own and wanted someone by her side whom she could share them with. Now, Kidman has been married for almost twenty years to singer, Keith Urban.
