The Family Plan is now streaming on Apple TV+, and this review does not contain significant spoilers.
The Family Plan is ridiculous, and the undercooked spy film storyline isn’t even the most ludicrous part. It’s that the family is entirely oblivious to the main character’s double life when he’s fighting off bad guys on a family vacation.
Not even when he’s fighting a bad guy in a supermarket in Buffalo, and it’s neither a Wegmans nor a Tops Friendly Markets. At the same time, other patrons judge him for causing the fight, even though a man with a knife is the attacker while he holds his infant child in his arms.
It’s the fact that the headlining stars, Mark Wahlberg and Michelle Monaghan, two of the most beautiful people in the world with 5% body fat between them, only have sex on Thursdays, and they don’t have a dozen or more kids.
Unfortunately, that was going through my head as I watched the dullest spy family comedy in recent memory. The Family Plan is another AI creation from Apple TV+ where the studio just had to rip off one of the great action films of the decade, Nobody, and water it down with a G-rated family comedy film script for an utterly uneven entertainment experience.
Also Read: Mark Wahlberg Reportedly Met With Sony for a Superhero Role That Ultimately Went to Avengers 2 Star
Apple TV+’s The Family Plan’s Plot Summary and Review
The story follows Dan Morgan (Mark Wahlberg), a man who loves his quiet suburban life nestled in Western New York. Frequently, he is named the car salesman of the month at his used automobile dealership. Dan is married to his lovely wife Jess (Messiah’s Michelle Monaghan) and has three beautiful children.
His daughter, Nina (Zoe Colletti), wants to go to college in Iowa to follow her boyfriend, and their son, Kyle (Van Crosby), is a gamer forced to keep his online identity a secret from his parents, who don’t see a future in e-sports. This is all typical family stuff. That’s until someone snaps a picture of the couple on their anniversary and posts it on social media.
This triggers a manhunt for, of all people, Dan because he is a retired secret agent who gave up years ago and has been raising a family in Buffalo ever since. To save himself and his family, he takes them on a cross-country trip to Las Vegas while keeping his loved ones in the dark and suppressing his killer instincts, but only when his family isn’t looking.
Also Read: Tom Holland Can’t Be The Next Tom Cruise Due To $407M Mark Wahlberg Franchise, According To Fans
The Family Plan is a watered-down family comedy version of Nobody
As mentioned above, The Family Plan is a watered-down family comedy version of the Bob Odenkirk vehicle Nobody. And, like Apple TV+’s Ghosted, which came out last spring, the Simon Cellan Jones film seems to be a ChatGPT creation.
It’s as if Apple Studios and Skydance Entertainment typed in “Nobody” + “The Pacifier” + “City with an inferiority complex” and produced a script devoid of charm and coherent thought or reasoning. Every character’s action feels flawed or forced. The dialogue is poorly paced and stuffed with overused clichés, and jokes land with a resounding thud.
While Wahlberg is a naturally likable actor in comedies, a rare trait he can seemingly turn on and off, you can’t succeed on charm alone. That includes the always-welcomed Monaghan, the dumpster fire’s only bright spot, bringing an infectious zeal to a lifeless script.
Is The Family Plan Worth Watching?
The Family Plan is not worth watching with the amount of incredible entertainment on a handful of streaming platforms and award-worthy theatrical releases this month. The movie is too violent and unfunny for families, patronizing, and dumb for adults.
If anything, the film seems to corner the market for teenagers who don’t know any better. The movie has some jarring editing issues and green-screen background errors. The underlying family message is sweet, but the filmmakers failed to incorporate those themes smoothly into a coherent, widely uneven film.
The Family Plan is another Hollywood version of a marketing ploy to subscribe to streaming services and sell product placement by taking better film ideas and repackaging them. The viewer will only get more of this nonsense unless they take a stand and choose to cancel their subscription.
Also Read:
2/10
Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube for more entertainment coverage.
