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Spider-Man’s Most Useless Superpowers, Ranked

Spider-Man is Marvel’s most popular superhero. He is also the world’s most profitable superhero to ever exist. Since he is Marvel’s most prized possession, it is only fair that Spider-Man has been experimented upon like crazy. He has had some pretty useless superpowers over the years.

Communication With Spiders

When the Queen invaded New York with an army of Spiders, it was Peter Parker that saved the day. But he did not punch the Queen in the stomach to do the job. Instead, he opened up a channel of dialogue with the Spider Armies. Spider-Man literally talked the tiny  spiders from aiding the Queen. The ability to communicate and control spiders is much more refined in Kaine, Peter’s clone. Although Peter too possesses the ability, it’s very primitive and to be honest – derivative. Let’s not turn him into another Ant-Man.

Fangs

Yep that’s right. Peter Parker has fangs. Deal with it!! If Stingers were not enough (more on that in a bit), Marvel Comics gave Spider-Man literal fangs. Its like the writers at Marvel looked really hard at a spider and thought – “Hey why not give our very own Spider-Man his own fangs?” Fangs are definitely better than growing two extra pairs of limbs. Spider-Man has even used them in open combat. He bit Morlun, the inter-dimension hopping Spider-Totem hunter, with those fangs. Miguel O’Hara, the Spider-Man of 2099, also has a set of fangs but they actually suit the character’s edgy ornery exterior. Thank God they did not make Peter Parker eat flies and bugs. Since those are abilities of a Spider too.

Turning Into A Man-Spider

Like when the Hulk goes into indomitable rage and unleashes hell in his Savage Hulk form or when Thor accesses his warrior madness power, Spider-Man also has a last resorts deus ex-machina kind of ability. If push comes to shove, Spider-Man has been known to involuntarily transform into Man Spider. He becomes an uncontrollable creature with eight limbs and powers that far exceeds parker’s normal Spider-Man powers. The catch is why its useless – Spider-Man cannot access it at will. And turning into Man Spider has historically made things worse for Spider-Man.

The Way Of The Spider

Peter Parker and Spider-Man are two sides of the same coin. One cannot function without the other. But there have been quite a lot of times when Parker had to forsake his Spider-Man powers. His greatest fear became a reality when peter actually lost access to his Spider-Senses. To carry on crime fighting, Peter enlisted the help of Shang-Chi. Under the martial arts master’s tutelage. Peter Parker developed a unique fighting style to emulate the movements of a spider. Called the Way of the Spider, Parker stopped using it the moment he regained his spider powers.

Regenerative Cocoon Healing

This could have been a very useful ability if Parker used it more often. Spider-Man already has a fast enough accelerated healing factor. He literally heals from near fatal injuries in a matter of hours, if not minutes. The regenerative cocoon is supposed to encase Peter in a web cocoon. Spider-Man would go into hibernation where he would shed his skin and gain a new one, bereft of all injuries. The only downside is that it cannot be used readily in a battlefield and Parker is left defenseless all that time. Our point is – why would a guy who already has an accelerated healing factor even use this?

Mystical Powers

It has been recently revealed that Peter Parker becoming Spider-Man was a part of a grander mystical providence. Spider-Man was destined to happen. It is because every universe is fated to have at least one Spider-Totem. Totems are individuals with Spider-like powers. Each Spider-Totem from every alternate universe is connected to each other via an arcane connection called the Web. Spider-Man has access to powers like inter-dimensional hopping and clairvoyance, thanks to The Web. But he has seldom used it outside the Spider-Verse stories.

Stingers

Spider-Man: The Other introduced Parker to a lot of additional abilities. These new powers more or less did not even fall under the realm of spiders. For example, Peter Parker got access to a pair of stingers. His body could project the stingers from his wrist. They were razor sharp and coated with a venomous toxin. Spider-Man went on record to say that he did not know what to do with them most of the time. The Stingers mostly got in his way and did more harm than good. Given Parker’s pacifistic ideals. the stingers tended to spill a lot of blood.

Written by Bibhu Prasad Panda

You do not wanna know. I could be a psychopath.